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When You Fall Apart

As many of you know, my beloved husband passed away last April. I immediately made the choice to put God’s ways first. I choose not to give into the spirit of grief. I choose a supernatural life.

And yes, I lived that… until I didn’t. About two months or so ago, I semi-sort-of fell apart – without even realizing it. I was dealing with and unpacking many boxes that had been in storage; memories overwhelmed me. I kept running into things that threw me backwards. I was not prepared.

I just stopped for a few weeks. I stopped moving forward. I stopped doing what I needed to do. I stopped meeting God first thing in the morning. I couldn’t do these devotionals because – honestly? What did I have to say when I couldn’t even function?

I slowed down on reading my Word and watching my podcasts. I just SAT, staring out the window or dreaming of what my life used to be.

As I sat, I pondered my life with Leland. I remembered all the ways he was so perfect for me. I remembered the house he built for me (and I missed it). I began thinking a future without him was impossible. I focused on my past instead of my future.

God is SO merciful. He never stopped talking to me. He never stopped prompting me to put Him first. He constantly opened perfect scriptures for me. He kept telling me He missed our time together in my quiet place. He never once dealt harshly with me.

I know what happened now. I also know the worst thing I could have done was disconnect from my only Source for living – not only that supernatural life but living at all. I knew every single thing I needed to do. I knew what God taught me. I just didn’t do it – I just couldn’t all of a sudden. 

Lessons Learned: NEVER STOP READING YOUR WORD AND TALKING TO GOD (the one thing I did right during this time).  Always be aware the devil will attack anytime he can.

Never stop doing what you know to do. Never give up on God or yourself. Never stop going forward. If something overtakes you, as soon as you realize it, put a stop to it. Force yourself to pick up a daily devotional and READ IT. 

Repent to God for giving in. Get back to everything you know to do that is right. It is actually easy because once you get back on the right pathway it all falls back into place. You fall in love with it again. You begin to WANT to put God first again. 

I should have expected the devil to try to slip in. It was okay to miss Leland but it was not okay to wallow in it. More importantly, I should have asked God to prepare me for unpacking my former life fraught with memories, and His help in dealing with it. I’ve found that He will do just that.

He loves us so much.

 

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1 thought on “When You Fall Apart

  1. You know I have you on a pedestal. You are AMAZING! All Glory to God. His word in you always sustains… even in the valleys, His word speaks… and that’s because of the years of digesting that word when you were on the mountain. You inspire me daily. 💖💕💖

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